Either way, if you have different definitions of success, it’s difficult to come to a constructive resolution and you’re likely in for an unhealthy conflict. While it’s possible that the person sharing the message did a poor job and botched the pass, it’s just as likely that you fumbled the catch. That might be because you’re how to deal with someone who avoids conflict distracted and not hearing fully. It can also be because you’re listening to the facts but missing the emotions, beliefs, or motivations beneath the surface–failing to read between the lines.
Stop Avoiding Conflict in the Workplace
Remember to respect the person, even if you don’t like the behavior. Instead, try to view conflict as an opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess the needs of both parties and come up with a solution that helps you both. When something happens that they don’t like, some blow it out of proportion by making sweeping generalizations. Avoid starting sentences with, “You always,” and, “You never,” as in, “You always come home late!” or, “You never do what I want to do!” Stop and think about whether or not this is really true. This seems to be the less stressful route—avoiding an argument altogether—but usually causes more stress to both parties as tensions rise, resentments fester, and a much bigger argument eventually results.
- Or if you’re a seeker with your mother, it may be based on years of experience with her rather than a sort of strategic conscious choice.
- If you’ve hurt the other person, take responsibility for your actions and be prepared to apologize before discussing how to move forward.
steps for better conflict resolution
This guide provides more information to help you determine if your workplace has become toxic and if so, what to do about it. All of these agents of chaos can lead to people being at one another’s throats instead of in one another’s confidence. Conflict isn’t inherently good or bad, it’s simply a struggle between incompatible or opposing needs, wishes, and demands. The quality of a conflict depends on whether it helps you get to a better outcome without inflicting too much damage in the process. But keep in mind, whether a conflict is healthy or not, it’s still likely to be uncomfortable, so don’t assume that discomfort is a sign that you’re doing it wrong.
What Does Healthy (Productive) Conflict Look Like?
To hear some tell it, we are experiencing an epidemic of conflict avoidance, finding new ways to walk away from conflict rather than engaging in interpersonal conflict resolution. Ghosting, for example—ending a relationship by disappearing—has become common. Numerous tech companies are being criticized for laying off people via email rather than in person. Many people experience the pain of estrangement from family members, which can arise without warning or explanation. There can be legitimate reasons for avoiding conflict, such as the need to break off an abusive relationship.
- When it comes to effective conflict resolution, how effectively we listen is at least as important as how effectively we express ourselves.
- Often what’s really happening is that we’re postponing the contentious conversations that are required on a healthy team.
- And it’s very tempting to just stay in that conversation, because you think the best solution is just to trudge through it.
Find New Ways to Relieve Stress
You prefer to be seen as the “nice person” at work, for example, or may shy away from open, healthy conflict so as not to rock the boat. People who respond to conflict this way often expect negative outcomes and find it difficult to trust the other person’s reaction. Conflict avoidance is a type of people-pleasing behavior that typically arises from a deep rooted fear of upsetting others.
- For a great overview of the concept of team psychological safety pioneered by Amy Edmonson, check out this article.
- You might try to build your skills and confidence by opening up conversations about relatively small matters with those you trust the most.
- He specializes in personal and professional development, anger management, emotional intelligence, infidelity issues, and couples and marriage therapy.
- Conflict resolution is about standing up for yourself and communicating when you feel angry or frustrated.
- Either way, if you have different definitions of success, it’s difficult to come to a constructive resolution and you’re likely in for an unhealthy conflict.
- Avoidance coping is considered to be maladaptive (or unhealthy) because it often exacerbates stress without helping a person deal with the things that are causing them stress.